What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
