I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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