Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
