I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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