you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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