i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
