I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
