Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
