I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
