woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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