God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
where does the pee come out of this thing
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
