thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
