her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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