in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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