Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
