I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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