I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
