i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
