i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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