Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
