There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
