I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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