Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
