My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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