Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Vodka?
Forever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
