We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
