So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
