Is it because I queefed?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
