her vagine was all disorganized.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
