belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
time to smoke my breakfast
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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