Apparently you make a good broom.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
