He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
