I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
