she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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