So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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