Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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