i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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