I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
