I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
