I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
