so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
