So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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