If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
