this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
