shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It's Friday. Sex?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
