Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
home. puking in laundry basket.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
