it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
