all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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