just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Congratulations! We have a period
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
