i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
