Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
