Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
