I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
