Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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